Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
One need not work at "Pencils" to enter. Any experience as a low-paying, under appreciated and badly treated employee in retail will suffice. Keep in mind when relating your story, less is more...
Posted by Square Grouper at 8:55 AM
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Posted by Square Grouper at 12:42 PM
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I stood there and wondered, "Why the hell didn't I think of that?"
Posted by Square Grouper at 7:12 AM
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I wanted to pickup my so-called paycheck, so I stopped by Pencils at 7PM and it looked like a Category 5 Shit-Storm had hit the place. All 3 checkout lines were backed up, at least 10 customers in each line. Scores of screaming brats and their Jerry Springer guest mothers were ripping the place apart, scrounging for the "Buy One, Get One Free" package of erasers.
It was then I spotted Matt, my tech manager, with his shirt soaked with perspiration and sweat dripping down his face, and offered to come in and help out for a few hours. "No, we got it covered," he answered.
Posted by Square Grouper at 8:03 AM
Sunday, August 21, 2011
One of the new office product associates has been running around the store like a bat out of hell, and I can only assume she is being aided by a "stimulant" of some sort. Personally, I'd prefer something to take the edge off. Worse case scenario, I can always take a whiff of something from the glue aisle.
Posted by Square Grouper at 9:13 AM
Friday, August 19, 2011
The winner will be announced and their story published in this blog on September 5, 2011. The winning author will receive a $25 gift certificate to Applebee's (my manager Matt's favorite restaurant), no strings attached. The rules are simple: Keep your story concise. Less is more. The more bizarre, the better, but please be truthful. Life is stranger than fiction. You can be an employee of any retailer, not just Pencils. E-mail your submission to: firstname.lastname@example.org (put the word "contest" in subject line). The deadline is September 3, 2011. Myself, along with Stephen King, will judge the entries.
Posted by Square Grouper at 9:15 AM
Saturday, August 13, 2011
To add insult to injury, on my way out of the store I overheard my manager, Matt, threatening to fire Kathy, one of the new cashiers, if she didn't sign-up 6 new reward card customers, take in 10-$1 donations to the Un-united Way and sell some other dumb-ass promotional gimmicks during her shift. When Matt left, Karen told me they had her on the schedule for 12 days in a row. "I'm working as a fuckin' cashier and now they expect me to squeeze an extra dollar or two from every customer?" I suggested she call their bluff and walk-out. They obviously don't have anyone else to replace her or she wouldn't have so many hours. Somebody in corporate needs their head examined before it explodes.
Posted by Square Grouper at 1:51 PM
Friday, August 12, 2011
Posted by Square Grouper at 9:00 AM
Monday, August 8, 2011
Posted by Square Grouper at 7:39 AM
Friday, August 5, 2011
Posted by Square Grouper at 9:04 AM
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Posted by Square Grouper at 7:25 AM
Monday, August 1, 2011
The above quote was paramount in a recent memorandum given to Pencils' sales associates to help them better understand, and then rip-off customers. It's been over 2 days since I read that crock of shit, and still can't believe it! What I find even more ludicrous is that corporate most likely spent tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars to some ass-wipe to come up with this marketing theory. How about this instead? "Running out of printer ink, paper or #10 envelopes is what drives the customer to start the buying process." The only time I see customers in pain is when they are harassed relentlessly into buying extended service plans. It appears the inmates are continuing to run the asylum. Attention Pencils' shareholders... SELL before the whole place goes down the shitter!!!!!!
Posted by Square Grouper at 10:43 AM