Thursday, January 5, 2012


I've never been a people person. I've never had great faith in humanity. What I did have, working in retail utterly destroyed. Pencils actually does carry a reasonable selection of merchandise (not that it's in stock-- but technically we carry it). Being a cashier, people often stop on their way in to ask me if we carry a particular item. Usually it's stuff like register tape (back half of aisle two) or stationary (aisle one on the left). But every now and then I get very special customers who inquire about items such as aquariums (the same neck-tattooed customer followed up asking if we sold XBox games-- if only there was a store that sold both aquarium supplies and console games), facial hair trimmers, and lawnmowers  (at a store two doors down from a Sears). There are also those customers whose sole purchases are things like Smooth Away, Snuggies (ugh), sunglasses (really? we're who you thought of?) or our over-priced candy.

Then there are the customers who were obviously never hooked on phonics. It's usually the older crowd who asks for ink "cart-lidges," but dipshits of all ages ask for "cayenne" and "mag-netta"  color cartridges. Once, while I was ringing up a couple, the wife picked up one of those retractable pens that shows a different message on the barrel every time you click it. She clicked it a couple of times, glanced thoughtfully at the tag and murmured, "hm... rotating massage pen..." I just stared at her for a moment as I quietly wept inside. I didn't bother correcting her. Another time I was ringing up a large piece of foam board and I was having trouble maneuvering the bar code beneath the scanner. Noticing my difficulty, the customer commented, "Don't kill yourself." Finally getting it, I replied, "It's just a bit cumbersome." "Cumbersome?" he repeated. "That's a good word... cumbersome." For the rest of the transaction he repeated the word quietly to himself as if it was a riddle he was trying to figure out.

They can't remember their own phone numbers yet I'm the one making $7.68 an hour.


  1. I HATE being a cashier for several reasons:

    1.) Read the receipt, I shouldn't have to tell you what the return policy is, its YOUR job to figure that out.

    2.) We have limited number of employees so don't call in and harasses us. We don't have the time to go out and look for Avery 3325 dividers and I don't care if you live three fucking hours away. Drive to the store or order your shit online.

    3.) Don't tell me, "Where's my gift card?" after the transaction is over. Tell me before hand so I can scan everything in the book and give you your card otherwise your out of luck.

    4.) DON'T SWIPE YOUR CARD BEFORE I RING EVERYTHING UP! Seriously, why are you in such a goddamn hurry?!?!

  2. A customer comes in the other day and asks if we sell electric shavers. So I laughed at him. He said "What are you laughing at?" I said "I am laughing because you are coming to an office supply store for an electric shaver". He said "Well when you are at the office for long periods of time you need to shave, I just thought that I'd give it a shot to ask you because I am buying my stuff here and I really don't want to go any where else!" I replied to him saying that he was right and I never thought of it that way... The a couple of weeks later another customer asks the same question "Do you sell electric shavers!

  3. I am an Easytech at my store. Awesome sales numbers and tech knowledge, yet I still make a few cents above minimum wage because my boss is a jerk off.

  4. Pencils does in fact sell shavers.