A Dark Journey Into The Bowels of America's Corporate StupidStore and Other Commentary About The Absurdity of Life In A World Going To Hell
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Catchin' a buzz in the Pencils' Break Room
Marty, one of the new hires in office supplies, seemed to be extremely irritable and I had to ask him what his problem was. "I didn't get any sleep last night. Pete called me at 2 AM and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep." The Pete he was referring to is Pete, "The Crack-Head Tech" who is so amped up its a miracle he can hold a job, even at Pencils. I then asked Marty why the hell he gave Pete his cell number in the first place. "I guess it was a lapse of judgement," he replied. I then informed him he can block Pete's number, which everyone else at Pencils has already done. Pete's employment longevity is a testament to Pencils policy to help those less fortunate, even if they don't have any means of transportation, a previous criminal record, and a voracious drug habit. I'm not sure where someone with so many strikes against them can find meaningful employment these days. I've discussed Pete's "situation" with some of the other associates and the consensus ranges from pills and meth to alcohol and crack, or a combination thereof. The reason Pete has retained his employment was evident when I came into work today and Matt, my manager immediately confronted me. "Mitch, Pete had a $1700. basket last night! He sold the top end Toshiba, 3 year-extended, Microsoft Office Suite, HP 6500A printer, extra ink and some other shit." He was so excited he was starting to drool. Like I could give a rat's ass about any of this. Matt would obviously earn some extra bonus incentives from corporate and Pete still gets his $7.80 an hour. Forget "Undercover Boss," now I'm thinking we can get Pete on "Intervention" and get some positive publicity for Pencils.