Tuesday, September 13, 2011

When Good Jobs Go Bad

Johnny Depp and Celebrity Stalker/Make-up Artist Angie in NYC
My friend Angie, who is a makeup artist and celebrity stalker of some renown, recently contacted me after reading this blog for the past several weeks. Our phone conversation started, "Mitch, I know you have a suck-ass job at Pencils, but wait until you hear about my latest job." In the past, Angie had worked with all the big stars in Hollywood and was even pursued by O.J. before he married and killed his wife, Nicole. Over the past few years Angie's workload has seen a dramatic decrease and she, like many of us, has resorted to taking jobs she never would of considered doing in the past. "Mitch, I was hired by a photographer to do the hair and makeup on a local female athlete. Once I was there, I discovered she was to be photographed nude, which for me isn't usually an issue. Unfortunately, the young lady decided to vigorously shave her pubic region the night before and now she wanted me to apply makeup to hide the inflamed hair stubble." Once I stopped laughing, Angie proceeded to tell me there are "places she just won't go," and being a compassionate friend, I supported her decision. At least my manager Matt hasn't asked me to clean the restrooms or mop up the urine in the aisles left by incontinent customers. I guess we all have our limits.


  1. like you, I also work at pencils. there was a teenage boy who came in inside the shopping cart with his parents. After a while we were talking about tablet pcs and I look over and there's a puddle under the buggy.

    the parents were quite embarrassed that their child had wet the floor. it turns out the kid was autistic and had a seizure in the shopping cart.

  2. EasyWreck associates should never clean the bathrooms or mop piss. These jobs should be done by office supply associates only. They are the bottom of the barrel. When you suck to much to be a cashier, you become office supplies.

  3. Apparently the new way of operating at Pencils is that everyone drops everything they are doing and become cashiers. No wonder nobody is in the floor or "fixing computers".