Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Pencils' Telephone Customer of The Week

The following phone conversation I had with a customer last week has been transcribed verbatim.

Mitch: Hello, this is Mitch, may I help you?
Customer: Yes, my HP Printer stopped working.
Mitch: When did you purchase it?
Customer: I don't know.
Mitch: Do you have a receipt?
Customer: I don't know.
Mitch: Did you pay for it with a credit card?
Customer: I don't know
Mitch: What Pencils location did you buy it at?
Customer: I don't know
Mitch: I don't think I can help you.
Customer: Why?
Mitch: I don't know.

I then hung the phone up hoping the customer wouldn't remember the number she dialed. Sure enough, the phone immediately rang and it was her again. She asked if she could speak to someone about an HP Printer that doesn't work.

Customer: My HP Printer doesn't work.
Mitch: That's a shame.
Customer: What can I do?
Mitch: Throw it in the garbage or try to contact HP.
Customer: I'd like to speak with a manager.
Mitch: The manager is the can at the moment and probably won't be available anytime soon.
Customer: OK then, do you have a telephone number for HP that I can call?

By this time I had all I could take, but I didn't want to let an opportunity pass by. I put the customer on hold, and "Googled" the phone number for our local strip club on my iPhone.

Mitch: Hello. Here is the number for HP. They have a local repair drop-off, so ask whoever answers the phone for their address.
Customer: Thank you so much.
Mitch: The pleasure is all mine.


  1. I wonder if these people do this everywhere? this old bag probably didn't even remember where she bought it. Just fork over the money for a new one and the rip off ESP that matt will sell you if he ever gets off the can!

  2. I work at Pencils also, and I had a guy call about a Brother printer he bought a year and 12 days ago from the time he called. He went on some huge conspiracy theory about how his brother printer only lasted him 1 year and Brother won't do anything about it because it was outside the warranty date by a week or so. He told me he was going to come in and drop the printer off so Brother can "bring their truck to pick it up so Brother can handle it." I told him you can't drop it off because we don't have anyone to pick it up. He said he was still going to do it. Pecil's has the dumbest fucking customers. Sometime I wonder how these people even manage to support a family or keep a job, and I know they most likely get paid more than I do, which pisses me off. Worked there for 2 years and only make 7.85/hr.

  3. You mean to tell me he didn't interrogate you on why pencils doesn't stand behind "their product". To which I respond.... That's clearly a product of brother.... I hate that conversation more than cancer.

  4. I had someone do the exact same thing. Their conspiracy was that the printer companies have a timer that goes off a little after a year to make you go buy a new one. The phone was my favorite part of the job because i could go hide in the back and ignore the floor.