Monday, September 5, 2011

The First Annual Reader's Contest Winner

I'd like to thank all those who submitted their stories to "The First Annual iWorkAtPencils Readers Contest."  I received 35 entries, and deciding the winner was a daunting task. Many of my "associates" who took the time and energy to participate deserve recognition for their efforts... literally, mentally and physically. In the near future I hope to expand this blog, and with their permission, include their stories as well. The winning story was submitted by Cara, who works at a national office supply retailer in Southern California. Since she articulated her plight so well, her story doesn't need an introduction. Enjoy!


I am a single mother who is trying to support myself and teenage son. The problem is, I work at Orifice Depot and the store manager, whom I'll call Jose, is a real prick. He is constantly making sexual innuendos at me and several other female employees, but he knows how to fall short of it being considered sexual harassment. For instance, he'll say, "The A/C is really pumping cold today," while obviously staring at our nipples. We put up with it because we need our jobs. Last week he pretended to brush by me, rubbing his fat, disgusting groin against my leg, when there was obviously plenty of room in the aisle to get by. I decided he needed to be taught a lesson once and for all.
Some of the ass-lickers at Orifice Depot bring in baked goods, especially on payday, and leave a plate of cupcakes or chocolate chip cookies on Jose's desk in the office. I'm not much of a baker, but a few weeks ago I bought a box of Duncan Hines Brownie mix along with a box of chocolate flavored Ex-Lax at my neighborhood Albertsons. I slowly melted the entire box of laxatives into the frosting mix, and put six of the freshly baked brownies on a plate and covered them with a piece of Glad Wrap. The next morning I left the plate on Jose's desk. Around noon I noticed Jose making a beeline to the bathrooms, and when I peeked into his office I saw that the entire plate of brownie's was gone.
While baking the brownies, I kept one aside that didn't have the toxic ex-lax frosting and carefully packed it away in my pocketbook to bring to work. When Jose, looking a bit pale, was back on the floor later that afternoon, I whipped out the brownie and walked up to him, slowly taking bites of it. He stared at me probably wondering if I too was about to crap my pants, but I just smiled at him and let him see the enjoyment on my face. Later, I think he got the message, because the harassment has finally stopped, and Jose hasn't touched any goodies left on his desk since that fateful morning.

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