A Dark Journey Into The Bowels of America's Corporate StupidStore and Other Commentary About The Absurdity of Life In A World Going To Hell
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Working At Pencils Can Really Suck (*Toes)
Tom is one of the hardest working associates at Pencils. He is also obviously underpaid, because he is constantly bumming a dollar from me "For a soda". During his last monetary request, he added, "Mitch, I'm in trouble, and if my wife finds out, I'll be fucked for sure." I asked him to elaborate, and his story continued. "One of the customers has been stalking me, and I arranged to meet her last week in the parking lot of Chili's. Things got way out of hand." I asked him what he meant "by way out of hand" and he continued. "Basically we ended up in the back seat of her car and I sucked her toes." First off, let me state although Tom is a decent guy, he's no Brad Pitt in the looks department. And why he would agree to suck a stranger's toes is also puzzling (unless it was Heidi Klum asking for the oral interaction). He also informed me his paramour was a 55 year-old divorcee, almost twice his age. I immediately suggested he break things off before he finds himself sucking more than toes. "She's crazy and won't leave me alone, no matter what I tell her. She's been sexting me non-stop!" he exclaimed. Tom looked like he was ready to break-down and cry right there in art supplies. "Here's what you do," I told him. "Tell her you haven't been honest with her. Say you are gay (*not that there is anything wrong with being gay) and you recently had a homosexual encounter with Matt, the tech manager, and you'd like to pursue a relationship with him." A big grin came across Tom's face, he reached out like he wanted to hug me, and said, "Mitch, you're a genius! By the way, would you have a dollar I can borrow for a soda?