A Dark Journey Into The Bowels of America's Corporate StupidStore and Other Commentary About The Absurdity of Life In A World Going To Hell
Friday, April 22, 2011
Who Loves Ya, Baby?
My first celebrity-sighting at Pencils... Kojak. (Since Kojak is dead, it must be his twin brother.) He waltzes in and asks me, "Do you work here?" I'm standing behind the tech counter wearing my Pencils Tech Shirt with a name badge pinned above my chiseled chest. I wondering if he can really be that stupid or he's joking with me. He seems serious and asks to speak to the manager. I walk into Ken's office and note that he is engrossed in a phone conversation, probably the weekly conference call with corporate. I pantomime that a customer wants to see him. Ken blows me off and I walk out and tell Kojak the manager is tied up on a phone call at the moment, but maybe I can help him. Kojak then says, "Tell the manager to get his fat, fuckin' ass out of the chair and come out here and see me. At this point, the assistant manager, Donna, shows up and Kojak starts to rip her a new asshole because there is nobody at the copy center to help him copy a 400 page legal brief. He threatens to call corporate to complain (this is killing me now) and somehow Donna doesn't have a aneurysm. An hour later I see him at the copy machine and ask him if he'd like a cocktail or a special plate of Pencils hors d'oeuvres, courtesy of the management.