A Dark Journey Into The Bowels of America's Corporate StupidStore and Other Commentary About The Absurdity of Life In A World Going To Hell
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What Stinks At Starbucks
Andy, a retiree from Rhode Island, works mornings at my local Starbucks to keep himself occupied and to supplement his social security dollars. He frequently extols the benefits of working for Starbucks, which apparently has a completely different business philosophy than Pencils. Each Saturday and Sunday morning, at approximately 9:30 AM, a boisterous, smelly, obnoxious and inconsiderate group of bicyclists arrive, much to the dismay of the Starbucks customers, and to Andy in particular. "They're dripping sweat all over the counter, they're rude, and some only want a free glass of filtered water. Of course none leave a tip," Andy recently lamented to me. The kicker here is that I too ride my bicycle to Starbucks, but refuse to travel in pack, or wear those tight-fitting Lycra bike shorts. I don't mind looking at the girls' asses, even those who could afford to loose a pound or two, but those fuckin' guys... with their "junk/package/anthony weiner" hangin' out is too much for me to take. But I digress, let me get back to the issue at hand.
This past Sunday morning Andy apparently had enough of the group's behaviour and shouted out, "Can you people please use your indoor voices!" This really pissed the bicyclists off, and later as I was standing outside I heard one hormone-infused guy say, "Who the hell does he think he is telling us that?" I relayed that comment to Andy and suggested he add a little urine to the guy's latte next Sunday.