CAN I GET A WITNESS?

Attention all Pencils' associates and sinners...
Let's keep this blog rolling! We need your stories. REPENT! You know you are going to hell for working as a underpaid, under-appreciated, sex-crazed employee of one of America's most God fearing corporations. So, let yourself be heard! Stop dancing with the devil and take-up thy keyboard in your hand and type those words. You'll feel better.

WHY WORKING AT PENCILS SUCKS: THE UNABRIDGED VERSION

Let me start by saying I didn’t hate working at Pencils in the beginning. It was actually enjoyable working Cashier and Easywreck. I started working at Pencils in August 2010, I went in for my interview took the “Tech” test (Which is what they call certifying you for computer work) and got the job. In the beginning we had a great and friendly management system. A talkative but very friendly store manager, a sometimes bi-polar but still friendly Ops Manager, and an awesome young Sales Manager. The first thing I noticed is that I was hired for Easywreck immediately. Well that’s what I went to my interview for. When I asked the store manager he said “Its Pencils policy to keep you on register for 3 months”. That was fine I can kind of understand his point, my last job was stocking produce at a grocery store so I had no knowledge of the register. Well 3 months came and went; I spent my time at register and also working on computers at the same time at the customer service desk. Being a pencils cashier is terrible on a side note. When you’re not being harassed for not getting enough customers to sign up for the god awful “Rewards” program the management is hounding us to sell the terrible PRP and FRP shit, oh and don’t forget the ridiculous expectations to have 10 PRP’s a week and 30 Sign Ups a week. Now that 3 months was up I thought that I’d be getting my Black tech shirt and finally put my knowledge to use! Wrong! Every week I would ask the Store manager “Can I get into tech now?” And he would respond casually “We have to clear it through our district manager”. I was so annoyed. Don’t hire me for something and have me sit in limbo for 4 or 5 months jackass! Anyway January of 2011 came rolling around and I finally found myself an Easywreck! Hurrah! Well not really hurrah. Aside from the SLIGHT pay raise there was absolutely nothing good about working in that department. I constantly had to lie to customers about manufactures warranties to get them to buy “Extended Service Plans” through Pencils which could sometimes be half the price of the laptop. Not to mention the bullshit “Setup” plans that any 13 year old kid could do. That would cost about another hundred dollars. Oh and don’t forget Office 2010 and Norton 360 which Pencils wants us to shove down customers throats. I didn’t like lying to customers so I wouldn’t. I would give them the straight facts (That I knew, not what pencils thought it knew) and let them decide but when a manager would hear me that would seem repulsed by the idea that I didn’t want to sell useless shit to customers. I was never written up for it though only talked to by the awesome Sales manager (he was rarely serious about anything). While working in that department I had the misfortune of meeting someone with the last name “Champion”. He was another Easywreck and had his head so far up his own ass it was crazy. He would constantly let us know how well he was doing and how he knew everything. He was truly a douche, but unfortunately my nature led me to trust him and even consider him a friend which was the worst thing possible. A few months went on at the same pace then came the middle of the year. The store went low com (Which means we didn’t have enough sales to keep normal hours and whatnot) and the awesome Sales Manager left followed by the store manager who was replaced by a pig-faced douche from another store nearby. He had the same attitude as this “Champion” fellow and thought he was the king because his store averaged more Tech money than any other in the district. In this time frame a few new techs were hired and immediately given black shirts. I asked the new store manager (Who I didn’t hate at the time) “I had to wait 3 months why don’t they?). He replied “Change of policy”. That was it. A few months passed by and my “friendship” with this “Champion” guy and his girlfriend evolved. My girlfriend was friends with his and I even sold him a custom built computer that I was getting rid of (although he claims he built it). Anyway fast forward to September. Me and my girlfriend were joking about with “Champion” and his girlfriend and came to an idea that we might move in with each other and split all the bills. By this time “Champion” was an Easywreck expert and was even fuller of himself. We went to look at a place and everything seemed to go alright. Then all of a sudden he decided he would make the rules of the entire furniture placement. My girlfriend didn’t like it and so we called it off. The friendship pretty much ended there. So fast forward another two months of complete bullshit of lying and stealing customer’s money by selling them useless things. Anyway it’s now November in my story and things have slowly degraded the relationship between my manager and “Champion”. One night “Champion” asked me to close the store with him and I agreed. I was closing down the Easywreck counter and doing last checks on computer locks and paperwork and he asked me “What do you really think of Easywreck?” now at this time I still thought he was a decent enough of a friend and I answered honestly. “I think it’s a scam practically, I believe that really do rip people off for plans that don’t cover jack shit. And I believe that we also lie to them and pressure the customers to but stuff they really don’t need”. That was the last conversation we had that month as it was the end of November. The next day I worked, the Pig-faced store manager took me into his office and suspended me for two weeks. I was so confused I asked him why he had suspended me. He said “It’s because you stole information from customers and left computers unlocked when you closed with “Champion, you have two courses of action, right here I have a form you can sign to quit or I can submit this is Human Resources.” I told him to submit it to human resources because I’m human I can make mistakes maybe I did leave a computer unlocked but stealing customer information? That was ridiculous. So two weeks came and went while I was suspended, lost my Easywreck shirt and title, and another Easywreck was fired because corporate found out he had a criminal record (which the store manager did not check for when he was hired) Two weeks came and went and my hours were dropped from 35 to 8 hours a week. I filed for partial unemployment and got it. Nothing ever came out of the case I have asked about it several times and haven’t got an answer. “Champion” left the store to go be an Easywreck expert at the store that the Pig-faced Manager came from and everything seemed to cool down for a while. The original Ops manager left in January which made things worse because she was the only manager who was defending me at this point. I worked only one day a week for a few months. Around the month of April my work days went from one to two. The Pig-faced manager still tries to talk to me about improving the store and sales and I just look away from him and nod my head. I rarely actually hold a conversation with him. I hate this place so much but can’t really quit because my area has a lack of employment right now. So that’s my story. I’m still working at Pencils but hopefully someone will call back with an interview for me.

WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE OF PENCILS

I'm at a West LA store and I'll start by writing about the good things about working for Pencils (while it lasted) and then the dark side of working for Pencils.

GOOD THINGS

This month, I start my third year since I started working at Pencils as an EasyWreck technician. My first year and a half was pretty good. The GM at that time would actually do some work. He would come in to work like at 6:00am and finish most of the work he had to do for the day. By the time the store opened, he had enough time on his hands to be on the floor to greet and help out customers or help out at the Copy and Print Center. He would treat managers just like managers would treat associates. The GM would put managers to work! EasyWreck was cool too because he would help with the sales and there was hardly any sales pressure on the associates, which made everyone work hard. It was motivating. I had full time hours, little pressure, and I was glad to work there. The numbers were good, always above 85% in CSAT, and everyone was pretty happy.

THE DARK SIDE

A year and a half later, the GM left the store. He wanted to get transferred to a store closer to his home. The new GM that we got was... um... she was pretty much like just any other associate. If you had a problem with anything in the store, she would just say something like, "Yeah... oh well." and then she would just leave like if she had absolutely no control over how to fix the problem. It's her store! How could she not act like a leader and do something about it! Everyone started transferring to other stores and the store was really changing. We now have managers who are lazy and get angry every time you page them for help or page them for an override. All the managers, including the GM, are always in the office. My hours were cut short too, from 30 hours to 16 hours a week. This sucks! I'm the On-site tech/Resident tech/BM associate/cashier. When the cashier is on break, I have to cover the whole floor except Copy and Print and OS. I can't even call for back-up because there's no one to call!

Regarding EasyWreck, I'm pressured to sell because if I don't, I get in trouble. They even printed an email for me sent by the DM saying that if we can't sell, to just replace us. Our knowledge doesn't matter to them. All they want is money, even if we have to lie (which I refuse to do). A few weeks ago, they gave me a write-up because I don't sell $1000 worth of EasyWreck services a week. A couple of weeks ago, my hours were cut to only 8 hours a week. They said they'll give me more if I promise to sell more. They cut my hours on purpose just to "incentivize" me into selling more! The store is always dead, empty!! How dare they!!! Isn't this against the law?!!!! Who can live with 8 hours a week!

The store is almost an hour away from my home (due to traffic). I wanted to transfer to a store that is literally 5 minutes from my home. I went to the manager of that store and I talked to him. For some reason, he already knew me and he said he would be happy to have me there. I would have had 8 hour shifts. When I went to my store and asked for the transfer, the GM said she would have to find someone to replace me before she authorized the transfer. One month later, after I kept on reminding her about the transfer, she said that the other store already got someone else and didn't want me anymore. That was unfair. It was really messed up. Pencils has disappointed me so much. I don't even care anymore about repairing anything. It's depressing. I'm already looking for another job.

LAST THOUGHTS

All retail stores are the same. All they really want is money. But, not all the stores are messed up. It all depends on the managers who work in the store.

BINGO!!!! AT PENCILS

Okay, so it's me, the cashier from the last post. I just wanted to say that Pencil's so-called "Incentives" for last period was garbage. I'm talking about the $1 per prp you sell bullshit. I sold three plans last period (Thinking that it wasn't going to be so great) and guess what the paycheck was for the accumulated whoppin' 3 plans? Well, after being assfucked by taxes, I made an extra $1.88. What. The. Fuck. What a fucking joke. And the manager gave me his little pep talk about how I have a year under my belt and how he's sooo happy he has one more experienced employee who can't escape the grasps of this shithole. All I got was that pep talk. What one should get is a raise. I have had to deal with a year of those fucktards hiring the most unreliable idiots I've worked with, minus the few that are still around. Apparently I've been doing such a great job, but yet I don't deserve anything above minimum wage. I make the same as those inexperienced assholes who know nothing. Got to love the injustice of working at good ole Pencils!

The incentives apparently got so much good feedback, it's continuing on through this period. Do I care? No. Is it a huge sham? Yes.

The good news is, though, I won safety bingo. $75 dollars just for having a card on the wall that they cross the number off of for you.

PENCILS: Required Viewing!

POP COPY on YouTube

PENCILS: CONFESSIONS OF A CASHIER

For starters, I just wanted to say thank you SO MUCH for this blog. Working at Pencils has severely affected my mind, to the point where I hate mankind even more than when I worked in fast food (On grill duty- the nastiest place). It's ironic I find people who share my views right after I receive title of associate of the month... "Title," being key word, as I have yet to receive a gift card or a pin for my name tag. I've been working here for... holy crap 9 months... please, kill me....

I'm primarily cashier, but I am the go-to person if there is no OS. OS in my store is combined with Furniture, for maximum physical labor at minimum wage. Generally, I like my coworkers. We got a new general manager a couple months after my arrival, and he was a complete dickheaded prick to me the first few months he was here. I ended up reporting him and shortly after that and he stopped bullying me. We also have the manager who does all the paper work, who is the easiest of everyone to pick on, because of his selective narcolepsy. He is infamous for taking naps in the back office while he's supposed to be doing shit. I heard from an older ex-associate that they once posted picture of him asleep and the manager ended up making the entire team stay in the store until 1am because nobody fessed up to the prank. 

Being a cashier is probably one of the most boring jobs in the world. It's also a huge pain in the ass, because we get pushed to sell plans about as much as our EasyWrecks do. The more they try forcing me to sell more the less I really give a fuck. Rarely do I bother to even offer a plan to a customer, because I still have my dignity, and it really does hurt inside to get rejected, despite the fact that you are obligated to ask. I really wish that customers realized that we don't have a choice. We are now also getting paid a dollar a prp... REALLY? A fucking dollar? I could sell a $50 prp on a kindle, or a $10 on a phone and only make 2 dollars extra? Fuck off. Other people get commission, me? I don't even get enough money to buy an expired candy bar at the shit hole I work at, since a candy bar is $1.19 here.

Oh, and another thing; bonuses. CPC has them. EasyWreck has them. I understand why cashiers don't have them, since cashiers seem disposable here, but why the fuck not office supplies OR furniture?! The people who really bust their fucking asses lifting furniture, handling most of the store (In this particular store) and pick up the slack on days where we have a slow cashier on duty. When I got here, the most experienced people were all in OS, and now the store has had so many different people in and out of every department. In OS, you're not as pressured to sell plans, but they expect you to be fucking superman, finishing load when you're being called up every five fucking minutes to be a cashier. 

It's true, we do get a lot of fucking retards here at Pencils. I've even taken to making a list of all the things I hate about them on sticky notes when we aren't busy. Allow me to list some of them off to you :)

• I am not your maid, so put your baskets & amp; carts back when you're done, lazy fuck.
• If you plan on writing a check, bring your own fucking pen, or buy one. Don't rudely take one out of my pencil holder without asking.
• Don't open the packages on the shelf unless you intend on buying it. It's fucking rude and you should be able to decide if it's what you need or not without vandalizing our shit.
• Comprehend the idea that Pencils employees are not superheros, and that you will need to actually wait your turn, like normal people. It's first come, first serve, don't like it, fuck off and get out.
• Just because we work at Pencils doesn't mean we'll advocate for them and purposely try taking all of your money for our own amusement. You don't have any right or reason to bitch at me, a cashier, because I can't refund your expired coupon, or because I offered you a prp when my manager was standing in earshot and would bitch at me otherwise.
• The customers who come into the store get help quicker than those who call. If you don't like being on hold for 20 minutes because our store is understaffed, get off of your fat lazy ass and come in to the store; it burns more calories than bitching.
• DO NOT by any means expect cashiers to know everything. Many of them have little/no experience in OE and OS and therefore wouldn't know where jack shit is in the store (Or know much about CPC stuff).
• Don't blurt out your fucking phone number to me when you arrive at my register, before even asking for rewards. Wait politely, shit head. I really wish you lazy fucks would carry those cards, it's stupid when you make me go through twenty phone numbers, or look over my shoulder and ask "Can you look it up by name?" NO ASSHOLE, I CAN'T, BECAUSE I'M GETTING PAID MINIMUM WAGE. Seriously, do you fucktards realize how many times I hear this quote in a day: "I have rewards, but I don't have the card with me." I just wish I could look into all of your eyes and say, "TOO FUCKIN' BAD THEN!"
• Don't get mad if we can't find what you're looking for because of your horrid half-assed description.
• NO, we can't search to see if you have unredeemed rewards because you're lazy and couldn't print them out at home.
• I'm sorry the product your purchased rang up at the wrong price, but since I can't physically check the price tag to see if you're trying to bullshit me, you're gonna have to wait until one of my lazy and/or deaf coworkers decides to show up and check for me so you can save your whopping 80 cents.
• Don't make shit up to associates or managers when you're too stupid to understand that our PRPs aren't through Staples. We gave you that fugly ass brochure in hopes that humankind would evolve and READ it.

Sorry this post is rather long, but after so many months of repressed anger working at this shit hole, I feel better knowing I'm not alone and other stores really are shitty like mine :)

PENCILS: WORKIN' HARD FOR THE MONEY

In the two years I've worked for Pencils we have had more new managers than new associates. It seems as if they are always changing but the only thing that doesn’t seem to ever change is my pay. The only reason why I have stayed for so long is because I have been on the, “I promise we will pay you train” ever since I accepted my prestigious title. In my department we have three real techs, the rest of the guys are just there to spew information that they "Googled" and use it to sell protection plans. I have a shitty job and when I do the math it actually almost cost me money just to drive to work and see these idiots in action. I also get to constantly hear about my market basket and how I don’t sell computers. I can sell, I just chose not to. I really don’t see the point in lying to people just to be able to brag about my basket. I tell everyone I know to never buy a computer from Pencils, and if they do, just order it online. I know I’m on my last legs because I have started getting write ups for stupid stuff like not taking out the trash. My store is the biggest rip-off store in the district and if you have had the opportunity of visiting it, all I can say is, "I’m sorry". I apply for jobs daily. I’m hoping to get them before they get me. Fuck this place! I just want to leave, but for now that is just a dream because tomorrow morning I know I will just get up and do my 45 minute drive to the place I hate to be at.

(Office) MAXED OUT

In the spirit of former Goldman Sachs executive Greg Smith’s op-ed in the New York Times, I too decided to write about the many reasons why I chose to quit my job at OfficeMax.

 

The biggest reason was the customers. Now, not all customers are bad or give you a hard time but, the area I worked in, we had an entire tribe of rude and downright nasty customers. Some of the things I failed to understand are as follows:

 

1.) What store in America does NOT have a return policy? I know what are competitors policies are so don’t give me the bullshit that “Well, Office Depot let’s me return this all the time even when it’s past the date?”

 

“Oh, really?” “Well, let me give the nearest store a call and see what they have to say!” I actually did this once and proved the lady wrong to the point that she threw her stuff down and ran out the door.

 

Also, I’m tired of the bullshit I get from customers about return policies on receipts. Customers like to ask, “You seriously expect us to flip our receipt to the back and read the return policy?” My response has always been, “Well, yeah…there is a reason why we give you the damn thing in the first place!”

 

No wonder people had homes foreclosed on in the economic meltdown in 2008. You failed to read the fine print and other information and made assumptions. Well, guess who got screwed in the end? YOU DID!

 

2.) When you buy something for say $12.00 and use a coupon for $5 and then you return the item to us, you only get back $7. Your coupon does not get refunded to you and nobody that I know of (not even Walmart) refunds your coupon.

 

3.) Don’t bitch at us because we don’t have things in stock. I’m just a damn store associate/cashier; you have a problem call corporate. And no, we don’t have it in the fucking back!

 

I could keep going, but I’ll stop here.

 

As for management and corporate, I have so much I could write it would take a lifetime to write it down. Here are the basics:

 

1.) You pay us crappy wages; give bonuses to management for OUR sales, and then insult us by giving us crappy “commissions” (e.g. $129.99 for a full in-store diagnostic and repair = $12 commission which, after taxes, isn’t much at all)

 

And you wonder why we come to work and give less of a fuck about our jobs? Guess that Harvard MBA failed to teach you that when you have disgruntled employees, production declines.

 

2.) To management: If you’re a new Store Manager and have never worked at an office supply, stop trying to dictate like you know everything. YOU DON’T! We’ve been working here longer than you have so why not ask us what needs to be done?

 

I guess you don’t care, which is why, I don’t give a damn either. Have fun trying to convince others to take this job and have fun training them (if they’re stupid enough to take it).

 

I'M NOT STUPID!!!

I've been working at Pencils for five years and I'm really feeling unappreciated for the work I've done. I've been in the CPC for the whole time and about a year ago our expert quit. I knew that I could do the position so I applied for it. I was overlooked and they hired some guy who only worked there for two weeks. I only worked with the guy for 5 minutes maybe. After he left I pretty much (still) ran the department and had a great co-worker who left late last summer. He was the only other person who I could trust that when I wasn't there, he could do things properly. I enjoyed working with him. We got a different GM last fall and the one we have now is pretty arrogant, lazy, and comes off as a know-it-all. A real smart aleck. Things were okay until a week before Thanksgiving he was being real sarcastic and I told him "I'm not stupid!" real loud and had a lot of stress/anxiety as a result for more than a month. I finally told him I don't want the expert position and then they went and hired someone who doesn't even have a copy/print background and doesn't even like working there. She wasn't trained properly and as a result I'm still being asked question on how things work. So that's kinda being overlooked twice. My GM and DM's reason for not supporting me in purusing the position: I'm "not ready yet". BS. If I didn't know I could do it I never would've applied for it. Not even so much of a "thank you for your contribution" or anything like that. So now I'm really feeling unappreciated (on various levels) and I want to write a letter to a few people up the chain and let off some steam. I would tell them exacly how I felt, but then again, I still need to keep my job...

I'M MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

After a fellow Pencils associate directed me to this blog, I thought I'd like to share my story as well as my current situation. I'd like to begin by saying that my manager is a straight-up hardass, and that's all there really is to say on the matter. He is twice divorced and for good reason. He constantly makes fun of his associates, and commonly makes passive-aggressive jabs at them. I'm not excluded, and as of recent I'm probably his favourite one to pick on. And that's on good days. On bad days he actively looks for reasons to be mad at people. He pushes completely unreasonable expectations for the sales of those god-awful Extended Service Plans (often times totaling half the cost of the computer) and Computer Setups (which, along with the ESP, can total the cost of the computer). Why anyone would want to spend an extra $100 for someone to take the 15 minutes to set your computer up is beyond me, but that's an entirely different story. Being one of the top stores in the company for attachment sales doesn't really help his expectations either.

At any rate, a lot of the time the management will stand behind unreasonable expectations under the guise of saying that it's "store policy" (having to clock in five minutes early, for example). Not only is it completely ridiculous to EXPECT your staff to clock in early, it's a whole different level to punish them for not doing it. I was actually written up for clocking in on time and not early. They looked up every time that I had clocked in over a period of a month and a half, and told me that every time that I wasn't swiped in at least five minutes early, that I was late (keep in mind that our store time is a couple minutes slow; if you clock in at 9:58 according to downstairs, it's actually 10:00 at least upstairs). When I was told that the reason I was written up was because it was "store policy", I actually physically asked to see the policy that they claimed existed. Of course, no such policy existed, but I was reassured that it was still what management expected, so I was still expected to do so. Long and short of it is, I've been looking for other work.

Now, don't even mention the horrible TSP (Team Sales Plans or some shit) that they use as a replacement for commission. For every little accomplishment that our associates make (getting a high survey response, a lot of ESPs, etc.) we allegedly get a certain amount of money thrown into a pot which at the end of each quarter is split up amongst the associates.

Not only have I NOT ONCE seen this "quarterly bonus", but apparently when people do get it it's usually only in the amount of $30 dollars-ish. That's just utter crap. Not only do they push us to sell these completely unreasonable plans, we also have no benefit for doing so aside from the praise of our management whose pockets we've just filled with cash. I don't understand how we have the drive to sell these plans under the guise of "giving the customer what they need" when we have absolutely no incentive to do so. How many times have I tried selling something to a customer to have them get frustrated at how unreasonable the prices are, to have me only agree with them, and then explain that I hate the whole system and am looking for a new job. The funniest thing is, most of the time they completely understand where I'm coming from, and respect me as a person for doing so. Now THAT's earning customer trust.

Oh and even then, all of the laptops we receive are immediately brought to our tech room and set up, under the expectation that we will sell that Standard Setup every single time. If we do, then the customer can walk out with it; if the customer has even half a brain and knows what they're paying for, they don't buy it. Then they have to wait a day for us to wipe their laptop before they can even take it home. Of course, that's only if they want to hold on to their hundred bucks. That's a bait-and-switch if I ever saw one. And then we are thrown to the dogs and have to deal with the frustrated customer who just wanted to buy a laptop and leave, and now has to pay and wait a day before they even get a machine because we wanted to inconvenience them enough to convince them to pay for something they don't need.

I could go on for hours, but I just had to get a lot off my chest because I hate working at Pencils with a burning fiery passion.

Signed,

A Disgruntled Pencils Easytech Employee

WORKIN' HARD FOR THE MONEY

I too work at Pencils and have been with the company about a year now. I have seen many of the stories told and more. I have had a customer break up with a girl over the phone while I was ringing him up and have also had customers try to use gift cards from other stores to make a purchase. The pay sucks but it is a job. And, I recently got a promotion to inventory associate.

I got a raise but now, that is not enough. Basically, everything that the managers are supposed to do is now on me. From receiving purchase orders, process paperwork and keying stuff out, I do it all. I also work tech, copy center and am sometimes the only cashier for the day on top of being expected to get all of my required duties done for the day. My most recent experience sucked.

We received our truck one morning and it was just the manager and myself in the store. The manager walks me back, unlocks the door and leaves. First, I had never been walked through receiving a truck before. Second, I knew it was against company policy to leave me in the back, doors open and no one else around. The truck driver and I fumble through receiving the truck and he leaves. I then quickly realize that I have no key to close the door. I close it as much as possible and go halfway to the front to call the manager to come back and lock the door. He does. Later in the day, the same thing happens again with a manager in training. My ops manager shows up and goes off or me and the CSL for being back there without a manager as if we had control over the situation. I went off, rant and raving and finally just falling apart from exhaustion. 

Luckily, I still have my job but I shouldn't expect any less. It is Pencils and no one gets fired, everyone quits!!!

PENCILS WILL NEVER MAKE THIS LIST

Over the past 4 years I have loyally patronized my local Home Depot, Starbucks and Whole Foods. What amazes me is the lack of turnover of those companies' employees. I continually see the same faces working at Home Depot. Jim at the paints counter, Jason in electrical and Wilfred in plumbing. Now, walk into your neighborhood Pencils, and it is unlikely the cashier or EasyWreck Tech you see will still be working there on your next visit. Why? Because if you have read the postings on this blog, you know they treat their employees like shit. No benefits, lousy pay, sexual harassment and management that has their heads up their asses. Pencils should top the list in "The 100 Worst Companies To Work For In America."

A VOTE FOR MITT IS A VOTE FOR PENCILS

A recent television advertisement for Mitt Romney touted that he helped start Pencils. I'm assuming that statement refers to the tax breaks and other incentives he offered the company to locate in Massachusetts when he was Governor. Of course all the corporate bigwigs made out like bandits, while the employees of Pencils are paid minimum wage and are rarely eligible for health or other benefits. Go ahead Mitt, take credit for another half-assed corporation that exploits their workers. You have my vote.

PENCILS: IDIOCY SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

Let me start this story like most of my work related stories: I had faith in humanity before I started working at Pencils. With that said, most Associates think the EasyWrecks get the dumbest of customers. I'm here to tell you that Office Supplies/Furniture is no picnic either. I've completely lost count of the times someone has asked me if we have something that we haven't carried in 20 years only to get this response: "You HAVE to carry it. This is Pencils!". Oh really Jackass?! We HAVE to carry it just because of your first grade logic that this is in fact Pencils and based on your assertion that we carry it, you expect me to wave a magic wand and make it appear right before your eyes? Fuck you.

Because the Pencils store I work in is small compared to the other stores in the area, we only stock about 3/4 of what the other stores carry. Which basically means none of the crappy impulse promo items that come in at random times of the year, that for some reason or another, people still seem to ask me if we carry it. This also means we don't stock File Cabinets in the store, yet we have displays of them. I love explaining this phenomenon to people. People always try to fight me to sell them a display model just because they "need it today". OK so you want me to sell you a display file cabinet that we've had in the store since the Mesozoic era and is probably going to fall apart the moment you put anything in it. Oh and you need help fitting it into your Prius after buying $600 worth of shit at Costco? You'd rather me not do the smart thing and order you a brand new one and have it shipped to you for free, just because you "need it today"? Again, fuck you.

With the ranting and raving aside, I have to share this one with you while we're on the subject of file cabinets.

The other night I had some dumbass call the furniture section. This is the conversation verbatim (or as close as I remember it)
Me: Furniture this is______. How can I help you?
Customer: Hi ______. This is _________. I got transferred to you because I'm looking for a replacement key for a file cabinet. I tried going to a locksmith and he couldn't help me. Do you sell those?
Me: Not in the store unfortunately. The closest thing we might have is a replacement lock that comes with a couple sets of keys but we only sell those online. Otherwise, you would need to contact the manufacturer for a replacement key.
Customer: [few moments of silence] Well who's the manufacturer?
Me: The company who made the file cabinet, there should be a logo or company name on the front of it.
Customer: You don't know who the manufacturer is?
Me: It could be anybody. There's several different companies out there.
Customer: But you don't have that information?
Me: No.
*click*

I don't think I need to comment on that. The idiocy speaks for itself.

Finding Love In All The Wrong Places: Pencils

So I wonder how many of you have had relationships start with co-workers when you work at Pencils? Well, in my store up here in the Northeast, we seem to have new relationships start and stop every few months between co-workers, and the theme is that it ALWAYS ends badly. The last go round we had was between an EasyWreck and copy center associate, who just both happened to be females… now everybody calm down. After a shitload of time, it seems that the new cashier we hired, who was a guy and the EasyWreck girl, starting getting all cute with each other. In turn that pissed off the copy center girl, and started causing a flurry of drama in the store. That terminated the girls' relationship and made me a firm believer of “Don’t shit where you eat”. Oh, and as of the other day, Easywreck girl and new cashier dude are dating. I can see this ending well, can’t you all? Life goes on at Pencils, we should have prime time on ABC for “All My Associates” since they killed all the soap operas…..

YEAH, WE DON'T GOT THAT

I've never been a people person. I've never had great faith in humanity. What I did have, working in retail utterly destroyed. Pencils actually does carry a reasonable selection of merchandise (not that it's in stock-- but technically we carry it). Being a cashier, people often stop on their way in to ask me if we carry a particular item. Usually it's stuff like register tape (back half of aisle two) or stationary (aisle one on the left). But every now and then I get very special customers who inquire about items such as aquariums (the same neck-tattooed customer followed up asking if we sold XBox games-- if only there was a store that sold both aquarium supplies and console games), facial hair trimmers, and lawnmowers  (at a store two doors down from a Sears). There are also those customers whose sole purchases are things like Smooth Away, Snuggies (ugh), sunglasses (really? we're who you thought of?) or our over-priced candy.

Then there are the customers who were obviously never hooked on phonics. It's usually the older crowd who asks for ink "cart-lidges," but dipshits of all ages ask for "cayenne" and "mag-netta"  color cartridges. Once, while I was ringing up a couple, the wife picked up one of those retractable pens that shows a different message on the barrel every time you click it. She clicked it a couple of times, glanced thoughtfully at the tag and murmured, "hm... rotating massage pen..." I just stared at her for a moment as I quietly wept inside. I didn't bother correcting her. Another time I was ringing up a large piece of foam board and I was having trouble maneuvering the bar code beneath the scanner. Noticing my difficulty, the customer commented, "Don't kill yourself." Finally getting it, I replied, "It's just a bit cumbersome." "Cumbersome?" he repeated. "That's a good word... cumbersome." For the rest of the transaction he repeated the word quietly to himself as if it was a riddle he was trying to figure out.

They can't remember their own phone numbers yet I'm the one making $7.68 an hour.

Mutiny On The Pencils

I am a current employee at a high-traffic Pencils in a business area, so you can imagine that our CopyCenter is like waiting in line at the DMV.  Anyway, I've been itching to can this job months after I started,  and now 10 months into the fucker, I'm fed up. Today seemed to be a rather off day at my Pencils. Everyone seemed to be fed up and overwhelmed, and a conversation arose to all "resign" the same day. I don't know about you, but I think 2 cashiers of 2, 2 of 3 EasyTechs and 3 of 4 CopyCenter Associates leaving the same day would be pretty fucking awesome! Pencils Sucks, Pencil's is cheap and more so, MANAGEMENT BITES THE BIG ONE!! This store is bound be shut down after this plot takes place.

ANOTHER STUPID CUSTOMER STORY

I worked at Pencils for three years as an Easy Resident Tech.  I left recently because I finally found a job in IT with better pay and less stress.  I’ve got to share my best “stupid customer” story:

A middle-aged woman walked up to me holding a power strip with USB ports and a Belkin Easy-transfer cable (for those who aren’t familiar, it’s a cable with a male USB type A plug on each end that is geared toward helping less tech-savvy people transfer files between computers).  She asked me if she could use the combination of the two to charge her laptop. I replied that it wouldn’t work and explained that while the USB ports do provide a bit of power that can be used to charge devices when the laptop is turned on, you can’t backfeed power through them to charge the laptop.  (I didn’t even bother mentioning that the cable in question probably wouldn’t work to run power through anyway)  I asked her if something had happened to her power adapter, and said that if she brought in the laptop or had a model number for it, I could order the one for it.  If it was something she needed right away we had a few universal adapters that were more expensive but would work. She said that she brought the laptop with her on a recent trip and ended up leaving the adapter behind.  A friend gave her another adapter, but she said the plug was a little too large on it.  Her solution was to file out the port on the laptop to accommodate the larger plug.  Obviously it didn’t work out.  The worst part:  the laptop in question was a fairly nice Toshiba that she purchased less than a month ago.  Talk about throwing money out the window!  This customer was the inspiration for many jokes for a long time!

Pencils: The Buck Stops Here

Here is a  great story.  I have worked for Pencils for a long time.  Of course, I work in office supplies, which means I also work in furniture, office equipment, cashier, copy center and every thing else because I have to.  Too bad the other departments don't have to do the same.  So on Wednesday Dec 27th, an old man comes into the store and says that the chair he is looking at right now was on sale last week for 99.99, original price is 149.99 and that he wants the chair for the sale price even though it isn't on sale anymore.  I explained that our sales run from Sunday to Saturday and that if it isn't on sale anymore, he wouldn't get it for the sale price since we don't backdate sale prices.  I asked why he didn't buy it when it was on sale last week and his response was that he didn't feel like buying it then because his son was out of town and it was for him for Christmas.  But now his son is in town and he wants THAT CHAIR AND THE SALE PRICE FOR LAST WEEK.  Again I reminded him that the sale was over and it was back to full price.  So the arrogant ass tells me that he has been a long time customer of Staples and that he wants to see my manager RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY FULL PRICE and he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  So of course, I responded that I'll get the manager for him but the sale is over, for the third time.  I go tell my Ops Manager about the situation and he tells me to handle it.  I told him how the customer demanded he talk to a manager and didn't want to deal with me anymore.  The manager again pawns the guy off on me and I responded that the customer demands he talk to a manager.  so the manager finally leaves the office and I'm walking him to the customer.  He tells me to go check for the chair so I do and we have 3.  I get one down and bring it out and the manager says " I'll take it from here" and wheels it away saying that he is sorry for the inconvenience.  Not 2 weeks ago, the company screwed up and released a coupon for $90 off of a massage chair, which was already on sale for 99.99.  This bitch blew a gasket telling me that we have to honor the coupon because we issued it and she wants the chair for 9.99 after the coupon.  I told this situation to my GM and he did the same thing...   YOU handle her.  These are managers making a minimum of 50k per year and are afraid to talk to customers unless they have great curves and slinky dresses on.  My advise to anyone looking to get a great deal.  Next time something WAS ON SALE AND YOU WANT IT FOR THE SALE PRICE WHEN THE SALE IS OVER, just bust the manager's balls until you get your way and if they still don't give it to you, remind them that you are a long time customer, threaten to take your business elsewhere and then ask for the OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT'S NUMBER.  Guaranteed you will get your way.

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND PENCILS

So to start, I "was" a Pencils employee for about 5.5 years, and just recently quit only a few months ago due to well, there is not much need for explanation there. Anyways, I have been reading this blog for some time and absolutely love it, and I can agree with every single post written. I passed along the link to fellow workers some time ago and everyone loved it too. So I'm writing this today not to give you a special story about one of my experiences as they have pretty much already been posted and I don't have anything remarkable to say. I took this picture a couple of years ago (he hasn't been with the company for a while), and thought it would be perfect to post on your site without any commentary - I don't think any is necessary. This was not a staged picture at all, I merely snapped a quick pic. The surroundings are clear to anyone who has or does work at Pencils and I thought they would get a kick out of it. Again, he hasn't worked with the company for a while now so there really is no harm in this. Looking forward to seeing it on a post. 

Thanks from a long time reader and fan- 

OUTSOURCING: PENCILS' STYLE

Let me preface this posting by saying that I thoroughly enjoyed my job as Mobile Tech for more than 7 years. For those of you who don't know, Mobile Technicians were the Pencils employees who were doing the "on-site" tech work for the company. In order to be even considered, you have to have AT LEAST your A+ cert. if not more. Basically our part time job was to perform the on-site tech work...our full time was job was answering questions and solving problems that the in-store techs couldn't do or didn't know how to do. We also had the joy of getting into customer's homes/businesses and having the entirely wrong services rung up. My last ever job was hooking up a wireless printer to a laptop, when the customer didn't even have internet service. The customer was obviously pissed that the store sold her something she had no way of using just to get Tech Sales. This happened to every mobile tech at least one time a week, if not more. Thankfully we still got paid for "doing" the job as well as mileage.

                The stuff I saw when I went to other stores was mind boggling..... In my area (10+ stores), I could  probably only recommend only 2 stores to drop stuff off too. The rest had "technician's" - in the loosest sense" that shouldn't be allowed within 50 feet of a computer. I will not go into details, but thank god Staples has good a good legal team.

                January 2011 rolls around...We have our annual East Coast Mobile Tech meeting. There are roughly 25 people doing the work for the entire Northeast. The same core group of us have been together for years; however I saw a couple of new faces. They seemed eager, which was good to see. One of the questions during the meeting was "Are we training our replacements?" This was referring to the COT Program (In-Store employees doing tech work.)We were assured that we weren't, but we all knew something was up.

                July 30 - I got a call from my boss saying that Pencils was disbanding the Mobile Tech position in favor of having the in-store techs perform the work. Obviously this was a cost cutting measure as we actually made semi-decent money, which is rare at Staples, unless you are high up on the corporate ladder...See previous posts. There is now absolutely ZERO support system for the tech department. Associates must call either I/S Support or Support.com for help. They are wondering why Tech Sales are down? The good mobile techs would bring in at least a $10,000 worth of upsells to stores every month.  You would think that each of one us had at least 2-3 years with Staples they could at least call us in to tell us they were firing us. No, I heard about it on the phone. (Which in fact I had to turn in since it was a corporate Blackberry)

                Aug 1 - Pencils Techs have free reign! All hail Pencils! Software piracy can continue 100 percent. You would think a tech would be smart enough to not do it, but when they are encouraged by management to do it, you can't really say no. You would think that every time I come to your store, I find pirated Windows/Office/Antivirus discs and throw them out, you would stop. (EVERY STORE DOES IT...if you say that you don't you are lying.) I got call that day from a store that I used to like going to...Their tech was at an onsite and was having trouble putting in new computer RAM at a pretty large area business. "Does customer have xxxxx speed RAM?" "No, there's a difference?" "Well I no longer work for Pencils, it's your problem. Click." Stuff like that pisses me off. Pencils saved what, 5 million dollars by letting us go? Yet, they have associates doing in-home work now who can't even  tell the difference between  RAM??! After years of telling them that they would be able to do my job, they are now able. Go ahead and celebrate your independence. Seventy Five great men and women are out of jobs!

Another Pencils' EasyTech Bites The Dust...

So we had 4 Easy Techs in my store and 3 of them left in the same 2 week period. I am the only Easy Tech left and not to mention I'm also A+ certified and I'm not a dumb ass.

So my manager says "Hey do you want to work full time as the Easy Tech expert?" Of course I said yes because $8.65 an hour is fucking balls and I could use the pay raise + full time hours.

So after I said yes he said, "Okay show me this week you can sell and it's yours!"  Our store is doing shitty because of our location and no one gives a shit. But anyways I end up selling about 20 ESP plans that week,12 of them computer ESP's.  Sold bunch of cameras and other shit.  Anyways at the end of the week I ask him "Alright week is over and I sold a lot of shit so can I get the position now?" And then he fucking tells me, "I can't hire a Easy Tech expert right now, don't have the store hours for it." So I told him to fuck off and walked out that day. Way to piss off your only tech during Christmas season... we have about 15 computers that need to be worked on and I'm gonna call out for the next entire week while going on some job interviews. Fuck Pencils.

To see your rants and raves published on this blog, email your stories to: iworkatpencils@gmail.com

RANTINGS OF A FORMER EASY TECH

I am a former Easy Tech employee at Pencils. I was previously employed for the atrocious retailer for six years and I worked and assisted in over fourteen stores. I was a former "Office Equipment Specialist" (what a joke for a title). So, like many other disgruntled Pencil employees, I would like to share some of my experiences.

I started working for the company on June 17, 2005 (scary I still know the day I started working there.) I was a 17 year old High School Kid making $7.80 per hour selling computers, printers, GPS's and other overpriced, low quality products Pencils has to offer.

1. Pay Scale: 

      During my time at Pencils raises were absolutely nice: after my first year I got a raise from $7.80 to $9.00 an hour in the Easy Tech Department. Nine months later I was promoted as an Equipment Specialist at another store making  $11.00 an hour and then 3 months later received a $1.00 raise, ultimately making $12.00 an hour. After 6 months of being a lead I stepped down to focus on my schooling and my college work as working 40 hours a week and school full time took its toll on me. They let me keep my hourly salary and I moved back closer to home. In 2 years with the company, I was "maxed out" at what I made at my position. For three years, I did not receive a raise at my job, I was rated #4 in the entire company selling TSP's, PRP's and FPP's. With my salary being "maxed out," I didn't see the point of putting my effort into selling these god awful technical support plans, training people, giving my knowledge and experience to customers, if I was not being properly compensated. In addition, hearing employees getting "seven cent raises," Managers receiving 1% raises, and jobs being threatened because of unable to sell these expensive Protection Plans, and lets not forget those amazing EasyWay selling Bonuses! Pencils says they create a "positive working environment" and offers "competitive wages" but for the hourly wages us pencils employees receive, it is nowhere near the frustration and mental heartache we go through on a day to day basis. On a side note, I am working for a Home Improvement Retailer and thinking I would have to take a pay cut leaving Pencils, but I was hired for more money! Making $14 an Hour just emptying a truck out! Wearing jeans, and whatever damn shoes I want!

2. TSP's / PRP's / FPP's / Easy Tech Services:

Assurant, the third party that supports these Service Plans, makes the plans very deceptive... the Pencils plans brochures states "Date of Purchasing Coverage." However, if you read the brochure intently it states: for the first year "whatever the manufactures does not cover, we will cover." So for the first year you own the product you have to go through the manufacturer. While I was working for the company, I was ultimately telling customers who bought our service to bring the product back to the store, because dealing with the 1-800 number provided in the brochure was absolutely a hassle and speaking to a person who speaks very little English is absolutely unbearable. We have the capability at the store level to call the associate number and deal with an English speaking human being, However, numerous Managers of mine over the years frowned upon me for doing this. I am sorry isn't this a company that prides itself on "taking care of the customer?" Aren't we here to make it Easy? If the product can't be repaired, Assurant is supposed to issue a full refund in the form of a Pencils cash card. However, over the years I have seen times where repaired machines aren't fully repaired and replaced with refurbished parts, I even have seen computers comeback turned on and caught on fire! In addition, times where Assurant has only offered customers a fraction of what they originally paid for the machine. Also, what person in their right mind, would pay 60 dollars for a 3 year plan on a $79 dollar printer? or 25% of the price of a $300 laptop? or 300 dollars for one year free tech work on their old PC? and charge $200 for a virus removal when downloading malwarebytes and run it in safe mode 90% of the time solves the problem? The bottom line is when as a salesperson, sells a service plan or a service they put their name on that product and they believe in that product and ultimately I could not put my name or faith in any product or service Pencils sells anymore. Ultimately, if your company you work for can not support or backup your word in what you sell and what you believe in, It only deteriorates your image as a Salesman.

3. Operations:

My Old District Manager, whom in another blog about Staples is called Lord Farqua, had a motto that states "12 Great Stores Equals One Great District." On my last day working for this company, he showed up at my store. I have such a profound hatred for this man that I stated "Hey Farqua, How does 12 Great Stores Equals One Great District when you don't even have one?" The look on his face was absolutely priceless and I will never forget it... But Any-who, operations at Pencils, which the company absolutely prides itself in is absolutely atrocious. Stores are allotted a certain amount of hours of payroll each week for its employees. For example, if I am open 97 Hours a week, and I am allotted 250 hours in payroll, How is a store supposed to function? If you have 4 full timers (Easy Tech Lead, CSL, CPC Expert, and Inventory Specialist) how is a manager supposed to run a store with 90 hours left in payroll to spread out to stay open for the rest of the week, meet company goals, and do the day-to-day operations throughout the week. In addition, having other employees who are not familiar with other roles in store cover others for breaks and lunches...either taking a CPC order completely wrong and then having the CPC employee call the customer to verify the order placed, is very unprofessional and speaks volumes to how Pencils trains their employees. Communication is absolutely atrocious! When Managers / HR / DM ask employees how to improve the store and what needs to change, they simply dismiss these issues and state "that's not the problem." Pencils is simply a company that keeps wanting their employees to do more with less and ultimately, you cant keep cutting back and still expecting to achieve these results. The results are also showing based on Pencils stock, which has dropped 45% compared to last year December. Ultimately, Pencils El Presidento "El Sargento" is making 15 Million Dollars a year, and states "our employees are our most valuable asset." Well your most valuable asset is being lost as many people are looking to get off the sinking ship. Maybe Unions are the Answer for Pencils.....

Overall, I have never worked in such a company that has such drama and turmoil from top to bottom in the company dealing with incidents in such a non-chalant manner. Dealing with numerous people with little to no professionalism that think they have the slightest clue of how to run a business, I guess this company simply hires anyone off the streets, throws them a gray shirt and hands them keys and says "your a manager" manage. My life has been so much better since I left this company, and the piece of advice I can give for current Pencil employees who are sick and tired of the constant day in and day out abuse (which is everyone reading this blog.) There is opportunity out there: Go out and Get It.

Thank You

CONFESSIONS OF A CASHIER

Hey there, I'm lucky enough (sarcasm) to be a cashier at Pencils... I don't really have one particular awesome post-worthy story, but I can tell you some tidbits about my wonderful (sarcasm again) three years with the company.

Well first of all I work in two different stores. So yes, the company as a whole is a mess, but the store you're working in can make all the difference. If I were to drop out of school now and need a full time job I would have no problem being a full time cashier in one of the stores. Though every hour I work at the other store makes me die a little bit inside. Since this blog is all about venting and how much Pencils sucks, I'll tell you about the worse store.

Its the first one I worked at, and my first job while I was still in high school. My training/orientation/whatever they're calling it these days, was accompanied by a Spanish associate handbook, because they were out of English ones of course. Things weren't so bad when I was hired, 2 out of the 3 managers were great, and our CSL was awesome. I quickly learned that in this store anyways though, cashiers are basically at the bottom of the Pencils ladder. I know easy techs have it rough (I'm dating an ex-easy tech) but believe me us cashiers have a real shitty time too. 

Well anyways, here are my rants:

1. The uniform. We just got women's shirts this past year. Well correction, my store as a whole got them this past year, I had to wait until I went back to my other store because the one I worked at in the first place wouldn't order me one. Now I'm by no means a crazy feminist, if anything I'm more of the opposite, but the shirts women had to wear prior to the new less disgusting looking polos we have now were absolutely atrocious. Any woman, with the slightest amount of hips and boobs looked horrible in those "unisex" (mens) shirts, with the awful, unflattering stripe right across the chest region. Tucking them in just created more problems. I know this rant may seem irrelevant now, but as a curvier woman I seriously used to feel uncomfortable in my work uniform. Tucking a men's shirt (which is meant to fit into men's pants) is just horrible and stupid looking. I swear I would gain 20 lbs just by putting on those God-awful shirts. Oh and the shoes! We have to wear BLACK shoes, why I don't know but in high school when I used to go from school to work this was sometimes a problem. I mean, it was my own fault for not bringing my work shoes to school, but seriously I'm a cashier. I stand behind the counter all day, no one can see my feet. 

2. The CSL position in my first store has become a complete joke. When I was first hired, our CSL was great. Well, now he's gone and we had a different CSL, a previous OS and OE associate. He wasn't bad, though he was never really even around the front end. Then he left. Our next CSL was a cashier that was hired like a year after me, and I trained. She was younger than me, and had only been with the company (and worked as a cashier) for about 8 or 9 months when she was made CSL. I'm not trying to trash her, she's a great person, but she was thrown into the CSL position because she was the only one who could work full time. Instead of finding someone who would have great potential for the position, they looked at who they had for cashiers, eliminated the students and offered the job to the one that was left. Well now she's gone and we have yet again, another CSL. I don't really know whats going on with her. She's nice and everything, but she can't really do much and basically seems like a glorified cashier. Now, every store is not like this. The CSL at the other store is GREAT at her job, and is completely deserving of that position, but unfortunately in some stores this has been made into a glorified cashier. 

3. PRPs and ESPs. I would just like to point out that yesterday I worked from 9 to 5. And in the first two hours, I got 2 service plans. Then my manager came up to me and said that we needed to get more plans. I averaged one an hour when he told me this, and considering it was Christmas shopping season, the store wasn't that busy, really??

4. The Rewards program. The program really is a joke. First of all, anyone without an email address is now unable to get their rewards. I know this is a small percentage of customers, but it sucks to be the one to tell them that. If the program would suck less more people would sign up for cards. This is a regular conversation I have with customers:

        

me: Would you like to sign up for a Staples rewards card?

customer: What does that do?

me: You would get 10% back on ink, paper and copy center purchases and $2 for every empty ink cartridge you recycle with us.

customer: So it doesn't do anything for envelopes or pens?

me: No.

So yea, customers who don't care about ink and paper have no use for a rewards card. Someone could spend thousands of dollars in this store, and get no reward, while someone who buys $50 worth of ink would at least have $5 in rewards. Stupid.

CAN I GET A WITNESS?????

I need all you honest, hard-working Pencils' employees to send me your stories! To keep this blog going, I need some fresh material to help entertain the masses (the 99%). E-mail your submissions to:
iworkatpencils@gmail.com