Monday, May 2, 2011


I recently asked Matt, the assistant manager, if Pencils had a portable defibrillator, "Just in case someone has a massive coronary while shopping for toner or paper clips." He had just returned from his lunch break at Chick-fil-A  and was still sipping on a gallon-size cup of Coke. He looked up and said, "No one has ever died in this Pencils, but some guy did bite the dust in the parking lot a few years ago." I didn't make any further inquiries, but I had to assume the death he was referring to was from a fatal gun-shot wound from a car-jacking gone bad.
One of the biggest drawbacks of working at Pencils is the limited choice of dining venues. The so-called "break room" resembles the bathroom... only instead of a toilet there is a table. The closest place to catch a quick bite is Renno's Subs, which is only marginally preferable to the pet store next door. Which leaves Chick-Fil-A as the only game in town, which I can proudly say I've refrained from setting foot in. I opt to endure bouts of hypoglycemia and hunger pains to cholesterol-clogging chicken nuggets. In a moment of weakness, I grabbed a Kit-Kat Bar from the candy rack the other day and rang it up on the register. Donna, the MOD (manager of duty) ran over and screamed, "What are you doing?" I replied, "Paying for a Kit-Kat Bar." She then exclaimed, "Don't you know you could get fired for doing that?" I wanted to say, "For eating a Kit-Kat Bar?" but I realized she meant for ringing myself out. Matt, who had been observing this fiasco, came over and told me, "Don't do that again." He reeked slightly of fried chicken tenders.


  1. They have grilled chicken at Chick-Fil-A.


  2. The chicken wraps aren't too bad and I think they have salads too.

    I work at JCP and I was just informed yesterday that we aren't allowed to check out PERIOD at any other station other than the busy catalogue counter. They flipped out on me for that too. It's funny how they never bother to tell you and assume that you already know.